Thoughts on happiness.

Sometimes I wish things. Like that I was happy all the time. That's the ultimate goal in life is it not? (just to clarify--that is not really what I think) And when it is not happening it seems like wasted time. So much energy is put into rectifying the situation that one easily burns out, gives up, and succumbs to being---unhappy. Sometimes I think that if I would just give up trying to be happy, or worrying about not being happy, that happiness just might appear.

Then it's not always the worry of being unhappy that gets in the way, but situations. I sometimes feel like life is beating me down with a stick. God calls me an overcomer, sure. But darned if I have the energy to live up to that. I cannot forget things have happened, circumstances that make me cry, make me heavy. So what should I do? I feel like to give up. Maybe then my hope will be, yes my distant hope, is that there is a God and he cares, and he will fight for me, and he will make everything bad into everything better, not just for me, but for everyone I know, in every heart breaking situation that has happened. It is not a fact in my mind, just a hope.

Lovely.

My brother got married!

It was a beautiful wedding and this is my wonderful family. It may sound cliched but that is the truth!

I am Jeanne Tinholt's grandaughter

the spitting image of my father

and when the day is done my mama's still my biggest fan

sometimes I'm foolish and I'm clumsy

but I've got friends that love me

and they know just where I stand

It's all a part of me and that's who I am.

Dirt or Chocolate?

Sho, she's got great analogies. Here's one that describes my situation, and first off her situation to the tee.

Imagine you live in a town, where everyone ate dirt and called it chocolate. They sold it at the store for a buck 25. Dirt. From the time you were born to the present everyone around you has taught you that what you are eating is chocolate. They eat it you eat it. Everyone eats dirt. Everyone thinks it is chocolate. For generations perhaps.

One day there is a new girl in town. She's see you eating a lump of some dark brown substance. She's asks emphatically, "What are you eating?!?". 

"Well I'm eating chocolate." You respond.

She quickly pulls out a bar of chocolate she'd been saving in her lunch bag.  "That's not chocolate, this is chocolate. You are eating dirt!"

"Whaaaat?!" You try it, it tastes really quite good, even though you've gotten used to the dirt flavour of your former snack. 

Now presents the dilemma. Which one is chocolate? You have some options, pretend it never happened, and keep eating dirt; switch right over to this 'real' so called chocolate without delay; OR spend a significant (and it will take a significant) amount of time searching out the truth, which one is the real chocolate? and in this situation wouldn't you stop eating either of the two at all? Because who would want to eat a lie?

Bedtime.

I can't shake this feeling. What is it? Is it sadness? Loneliness? It's not happiness. I've grown to skeptical of God, no no wait not of God, it's almost impossible for me to imagine he doesn't exist, I can think about it, but when it comes down to it, I just know it. So maybe I am wary of religion, I can't just accept all these practices anymore. I don't like to be pushed around or shoved into a box. But without these practices, I don't feel I know how I can relate to God anymore. And so He becomes a tad distant. Unreachable. PLUS I just can't get over not knowing the truth about heaven and hell. It seems to me that if we keep believing what we are believing about that whole issue, then God is a big meanie and I will cry out in rebellion! So I am torn, am I rebelling? Or am I coming closer to the truth? Well this is a big problem, because I want to believe the right thing. I'm stuck in the middle, and it doesn't seem like I am going anywhere's fast. bedtime.

Who's Eye's Who's?

Kyla, Crystal, or Charlotte?

We discovered the other day that our eyes are all pretty similar. Or at least the colours are. Kinda.