Bedtime.

I can't shake this feeling. What is it? Is it sadness? Loneliness? It's not happiness. I've grown to skeptical of God, no no wait not of God, it's almost impossible for me to imagine he doesn't exist, I can think about it, but when it comes down to it, I just know it. So maybe I am wary of religion, I can't just accept all these practices anymore. I don't like to be pushed around or shoved into a box. But without these practices, I don't feel I know how I can relate to God anymore. And so He becomes a tad distant. Unreachable. PLUS I just can't get over not knowing the truth about heaven and hell. It seems to me that if we keep believing what we are believing about that whole issue, then God is a big meanie and I will cry out in rebellion! So I am torn, am I rebelling? Or am I coming closer to the truth? Well this is a big problem, because I want to believe the right thing. I'm stuck in the middle, and it doesn't seem like I am going anywhere's fast. bedtime.