Sunday, May 17, 2009
Bedtime.
I can't shake this feeling. What is it? Is it sadness? Loneliness? It's not happiness. I've grown to skeptical of God, no no wait not of God, it's almost impossible for me to imagine he doesn't exist, I can think about it, but when it comes down to it, I just know it. So maybe I am wary of religion, I can't just accept all these practices anymore. I don't like to be pushed around or shoved into a box. But without these practices, I don't feel I know how I can relate to God anymore. And so He becomes a tad distant. Unreachable. PLUS I just can't get over not knowing the truth about heaven and hell. It seems to me that if we keep believing what we are believing about that whole issue, then God is a big meanie and I will cry out in rebellion! So I am torn, am I rebelling? Or am I coming closer to the truth? Well this is a big problem, because I want to believe the right thing. I'm stuck in the middle, and it doesn't seem like I am going anywhere's fast. bedtime.
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2 comments:
wow i find this really interesting because i just had a conversation about this with a friend yesterday. (well technically we were chatting on facebook, seeing as how she's in canada.) but anyways, i basically said the exact same things to her. it's something i'm always reluctant to talk about because after 22 years i should be a great christian, right? i should have at least a FEW things figured out. yet i realize more and more that i have NOTHING figured out. it's nice to know someone else feels the same way sometimes. shoot, ky, we need our prov prayer room talks, eh?? :P
AGREED Jules!
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