Sitting Down

This morning I woke up on a mission to clean up the pile of logs in the backyard for some extra cash. I'm a bit shamed to admit that I didn't last long in the hot sun with those heavy maggoty logs. I soon decided it was a job for a cooler day and so ended after an hour and a half; exhausted. I remember admitting to my mom soon after that I was afraid if I stopped moving, I would cease to start again for the whole rest of the day. This has been the struggle of my summer, and I am realizing, on a larger scale-- the struggle of this past year.

I feel as though I have sat down in Niverville and got myself all comfortable. It has taken me this long to gather my resolve to get up again and get out there. And there is a feeling, now all to common to me, that goes along with sitting down. Well maybe not just sitting down, but sitting down for too long. Because I am sure that sitting down for a little while is purposeful and satisfying after some hard work is done. But when you sit down for too long there becomes this feeling that you lack purpose, or motivation, it's just a yucky feeling that perhaps is opposite to the sense of accomplishment. And for some reason, the longer you sit, the harder it is to get up as well.

I am sure there is a time of life where sitting down might be a good thing if it is related to "settling down". But I would think even then there will be many opportunities to practice the skill of self-motivation, moreso on the day-to-day scale. Or perhaps, in that time, sitting-down for too long will be a luxury one can't afford, and I hope I will have learned to be thankful for it.