our pumpkin got old.

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UUUUMMM, so how's about...God is Good. Let's just think for a second what that might mean, and how some of the ways we might be thinking of God don't match up with this statement. Maybe it's time to challenge those ways of thinking.

Let's stop worrying about right and wrong and just CHILL OUT. Wasn't that how it was in the garden of Eden? Adam and Eve had no knowledge of good and Evil. But these days we feel lost without that knowledge. It is what makes us feel safe and in control. Can you imagine giving that up? Well it can be a scary if you don't also add in a very important relationship, one with God.

If we all stop caring about sin and also don't have a relationship with God, well that is anarchy. But if we all stop caring about our sin and DO have a relationship with God, well that is FREEDOM!!! We will do right because we care about God's heart, when we don't do right we will repent because we've hurt His heart, but we will then know we are forgiven.

Give up your right and wrongs, give up your judgements of yourself and others. Chill right out. God cares about our hearts not our actions.

These thoughts are compliments of conversations with dear Charlotte.

Not knowing the right answers does not have to equal confusion.

Hey, so I am pretty happy though lots of the time, don't get the wrong idea yeah? haha! Comes and goes, I was reading a book once about the elusiveness of happiness, so true. Joy on the other hand, well maybe it is a choice. That is what I hear.

I don't have to sit under the umbrella of confusion. Even if I don't know what the right answer is, who cares! Not knowing the answers does not have to equal confusion.

Thoughts on happiness.

Sometimes I wish things. Like that I was happy all the time. That's the ultimate goal in life is it not? (just to clarify--that is not really what I think) And when it is not happening it seems like wasted time. So much energy is put into rectifying the situation that one easily burns out, gives up, and succumbs to being---unhappy. Sometimes I think that if I would just give up trying to be happy, or worrying about not being happy, that happiness just might appear.

Then it's not always the worry of being unhappy that gets in the way, but situations. I sometimes feel like life is beating me down with a stick. God calls me an overcomer, sure. But darned if I have the energy to live up to that. I cannot forget things have happened, circumstances that make me cry, make me heavy. So what should I do? I feel like to give up. Maybe then my hope will be, yes my distant hope, is that there is a God and he cares, and he will fight for me, and he will make everything bad into everything better, not just for me, but for everyone I know, in every heart breaking situation that has happened. It is not a fact in my mind, just a hope.

Lovely.

My brother got married!

It was a beautiful wedding and this is my wonderful family. It may sound cliched but that is the truth!

I am Jeanne Tinholt's grandaughter

the spitting image of my father

and when the day is done my mama's still my biggest fan

sometimes I'm foolish and I'm clumsy

but I've got friends that love me

and they know just where I stand

It's all a part of me and that's who I am.

Dirt or Chocolate?

Sho, she's got great analogies. Here's one that describes my situation, and first off her situation to the tee.

Imagine you live in a town, where everyone ate dirt and called it chocolate. They sold it at the store for a buck 25. Dirt. From the time you were born to the present everyone around you has taught you that what you are eating is chocolate. They eat it you eat it. Everyone eats dirt. Everyone thinks it is chocolate. For generations perhaps.

One day there is a new girl in town. She's see you eating a lump of some dark brown substance. She's asks emphatically, "What are you eating?!?". 

"Well I'm eating chocolate." You respond.

She quickly pulls out a bar of chocolate she'd been saving in her lunch bag.  "That's not chocolate, this is chocolate. You are eating dirt!"

"Whaaaat?!" You try it, it tastes really quite good, even though you've gotten used to the dirt flavour of your former snack. 

Now presents the dilemma. Which one is chocolate? You have some options, pretend it never happened, and keep eating dirt; switch right over to this 'real' so called chocolate without delay; OR spend a significant (and it will take a significant) amount of time searching out the truth, which one is the real chocolate? and in this situation wouldn't you stop eating either of the two at all? Because who would want to eat a lie?

Bedtime.

I can't shake this feeling. What is it? Is it sadness? Loneliness? It's not happiness. I've grown to skeptical of God, no no wait not of God, it's almost impossible for me to imagine he doesn't exist, I can think about it, but when it comes down to it, I just know it. So maybe I am wary of religion, I can't just accept all these practices anymore. I don't like to be pushed around or shoved into a box. But without these practices, I don't feel I know how I can relate to God anymore. And so He becomes a tad distant. Unreachable. PLUS I just can't get over not knowing the truth about heaven and hell. It seems to me that if we keep believing what we are believing about that whole issue, then God is a big meanie and I will cry out in rebellion! So I am torn, am I rebelling? Or am I coming closer to the truth? Well this is a big problem, because I want to believe the right thing. I'm stuck in the middle, and it doesn't seem like I am going anywhere's fast. bedtime.

Who's Eye's Who's?

Kyla, Crystal, or Charlotte?

We discovered the other day that our eyes are all pretty similar. Or at least the colours are. Kinda.

The End I Do Not Wish.

Well, I am frustrated and confused. My head is full and I have thought this issue through to the end SO many times but it never comes to the ending I want. So it's still there, and it sits there. It sits in there in my mind because I have given up trying to get to the end of it, what's the point if it's a disappointment every time? I COULD think it through to the end, that ending I don't like, and then take it a step further to accept that end and act accordingly. But that is just about the hardest thing I could think to do. I know it's hard because I have tried at least twice already and, failed. 

Talking to friends doesn't help, the response is always the same. I like to tell myself they just don't understand, but they do understand. They tell me what would be wise, what would be the best. I have always been the type of person to follow what is wise, to at least try to do what is best, what is expected, rational. But THIS TIME I don't want to be rational, I don't want to be wise, I want to be purposely and blatantly stupid. 

That is why I am here and not there. 

I don't trust myself with this one.

Flood-waters of Fortune!

Getting to and from the home is not as simple as I once remembered. I pack all my things put on a pair of sweatpants over my pants, then I put on a pair of hip-waders (the sweats are to prevent the stench of those hip waders from permeating into my actual pants, they REAK) And then I wade a good five minutes to my car which is parked on St. Mary's Road. I was lucky this day and got a ride from my dad on the tractor (sorry his head is cut off in the picture). Sweeeeeeeet. This flood should go away soon. But it's kinda fun for now, and it gave me money. I thank those waters every time I wade through. They have brought me fortune.

My last project of the semester!

Ink assignment

Hairdryer

Frederick und seine Mausefreunde

The Perspective Challenge

Live Drawing Results

We tried our hands at ink washes in class today. Fun Fun.

Answers would be nice.

Just when one begins to get cocky... I remember thinking a while back that I was not in a wilderness season, and being happy about that. It seems all of the sudden that has changed. My question has not been answered. I used to be ok with it, but once again it has reared it's ugly head and I have come face to face with it. It seems that the answer to this question changes what I think and believe about God. I want so bad for this world to not be so serious, for certain things to not be such a big deal. To live life as a journey, learning lessons when they come, and not being concerned that I am not beings serious or prepared enough to take on the challenges. Life without pressure. I lived that way for awhile and it was awesome and freeing, and now I am not sure if I am headed in the right direction of the wrong one in trying to be more serious. I think it takes more courage to be carefree then not. When one is serious it is easy to take the world into their own hands, in an attempt to feel like they have control.

I love that blowdryer!

In Class Self-Portrait

WireDryer

spicin it up!

...

Also, I cried today.

Finally.

Ode to my friends

Ode to my friends,

One word, two words, a millions and two words

No number, nor number of words could express

The kind of warmth that my heart feels

When I think about my friends

Pure of heart

Pure in intention

No comparisons made

No secret longings to best the other

Their souls are like gardens

and the wind flows through these gardens and brings life to those who are blessed to be acquainted,

With the sweet aroma that is their spirits

I can see their smiling faces and know,

That I am loved.

For Chico

CHICO

This is my latest project. 1000 communion cups.

I came across a brief story and call for prayer for a man named Chico on my friend Scott's blog. I decided to make this project into my prayer for him. 

Chico, this one's for you! 

AAAAHHHH!! The mid-week blues came late this week, now it's more like the end of week blues. I think the problem is I have all this work ahead of me and I am apprehensive about how it will turn out. It's not the type of work that is like a research paper. You give yourself five hours and you will most likely have a decent product at the end. Art has all these variable, things you have to rely on besides your own mind and a piece of paper. IT'S ENDLESS PROBLEM SOLVING! Try and solves problems for three weeks straight. Tiring. But if I look forward in expectation, without worrying, I think I will be fine. Things always turn out, or get done, they might not be exactly the way you imagine them but they get done. And you have to learn to give up some things, and sometimes you get a pleasant surprise.

O I also got a part-time job back at sbux. It's the one closest to my house, and they never close later than 6p.m. I think it will work out fine and I won't get too overrun.

Also, here's my latest drawing class assignment. Hand studies.

1000 Objects!

I've got new specs for a project. It's supposed to be a site-specific installation using no less that 1000 objects. And the site has to be in or around my own home. BAAAAH!! I don't know what to do or what to do it with!! Ideas? Materials that I have been thinking of are, rice, or those light up glow bracelets (I found those packs of 15 at micheals for 1.50 again) I'd use that in conjunction with staples so that I wouldn't have to buy so many because the staples would count as object I would hope. I also was thinking to do patterns and designs with hair on the shower wall, but I think that has been done. My favorite example the teacher showed us was a wall that had been covered in post-it notes in interesting patterns. Well let me know  if any of you have got ideas!! AND SOON! (the proposal is due thursday)

OK. and here's the other.

Ok, here it is actually

Uncomfortable

Hey all. I am in Halifax, getting used to the idea of having to be uncomfortable again, not knowing anyone, scrimping pennies on groceries, eating on the floor, sleeping on the floor, not knowing where things are, or how to get to those unknown places. But like all new things, the beginnings can often be uncomfortable, and slowly, they become more and more... comfortable. And perhaps that could be another problem, because we like to make our lives comfortable, naturally, or at least for me it seems a natural thing to work towards. But I wonder, is that the point. No probably not. God can call us to do many uncomfortable things, and when things become comfortable again, well there is no guarantee they will stay that way for long. But there can be rest, and there can be peace, and there can be joy... in all things.

I bought a rice cooker today. That thing is COMFORTABLE!